Mood: nauseous? Is that a mood?
Music: nothing
Colors: nothing 
Craving: absence of pain and discomfort :p
Dinner: Dan made pasta with nummy sausage sauce :9
Hair: down
Weather: 65º
Pet Peeve: migraine, nausea
Happy Thing: I slept six hours
What I learned today: That 8 tylenol do nothing to make a migraine go away.
I feel slightly better…I never did throw up but I came really close a few times. Lots of dry heaving anyway. :p Right now my head still hurts and I still feel sick, but not as bad as earlier. Every noise echoes in my ear. Hurts.
I wish I had something to take that would make me sleep some more. The only thing that makes the pain go away is unconsciousness.
Ha ha!
For any newcomers, this is from a site that has poorly translated Japanese merchandise. This is a postcard.
Mood Magnet: Disgusted
Music: Another commercial jingle
Makeup: concealer, mascara, crimson lipstick wiped off, left a stain
Craving: sleep
Lunch: wendy’s chicken cheese sandwich w/ no lettuce, small fries, water
Weather: 83º
Pet Peeve: I feel like hurling
Happy Thing: I got an email from Alyssa
Star Trek calendar preview: “The Emissary”
I almost threw up in the bathroom. Maybe I’d better leave.
Hey but we rented the house. They only gave us one key. Go figure.
I’m going to be whining all day because there isn’t much I can do to take care of myself. Out of sick leave, can’t go home and sleep. And I have all these responsibilities. I have to sign the lease during lunch, also get money and food. Must have food! And then after work mom and I have to go up to that lady’s house and I have to try on my wedding dress to see if it fits. I doubt it will…I’m sure she’ll have to install a zipper under the arm or something. :p
God, my head is … feels like my skull is shrinking and my brain is growing. Feels like pieces of glass sticking into my head. Feels like I’m going to throw up all over you. Feels like a piece of glass is sticking into my face right between my eyes. God I want to throw up. It makes me want to cry but crying makes it hurt worse.
And here I am at the front desk where everyone comes in and says, “How are you?? :D” I would take a long lunch to go see Dr. Rae but his office is closed from 12-2. So that really wouldn’t work. I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP! 
I’m going to get a chicken sandwich from Wendy’s. chicken cheese with no lettuce. No fries this time. Eating is the only thing that makes the nausea go away and the pain briefly abate. At least the vision problem has finally gone away.
I work with damn nice people. I may just have to go home early anyway. I don’t know if I can face the whole day like this.
Dan will have pills. I could take like six more or something…that’s what I did last time. Except it was after work. But it made me feel better. I really shouldn’t last…I don’t know how I could possibly last the day.
Stupid throbbing head. I was going to say something else…don’t remember what it was. Maybe I’ll shut up and quit whining now. It’s giving me a headache. :p
I really think this one’s going to be worse. Plus I only had two pills. The nausea is starting to set in…I’m sitting here munching on an apple ’cause eating helps.
I’M GETTING ANOTHER MIGRAINE!!! *banging head against wall*
For some reason the vision block is worse than usual. Usually it kind of starts on the side and goes back. Right now its in the front and it’s in BOTH eyes.
Geez. I should just kill myself now. *snarl*
This is weird…I must be totally overwhelmed. I tried to visualize myself going into Sean’s office and talking to him and tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I really feel like crying now. 
Wah. There’s just too much going on in my life right now. ACK! I need to talk to Sean. It’s a quiet morning and it should be OK…I can’t do it right now.
Mood Magnet: Exhausted
Music: True - Spandau Ballet
Colors: purple, gold, red
Makeup: none yet
Jewelry: the usuals
Craving: sleep…lots and lots of sleeeeeeep
Breakfast: coffee. Apple in waiting.
Shoes: red flip flops
Hair: ponytail
Weather: sunny, breezy, 60’s. Going to be another hot day. All week is going to be hot. When will fall begin??
Pet Peeve: Well, the weather, obviously.
Happy Thing: I think I might be slightly human.
Star Trek calendar pic: “Dear Doctor” - a cute pic of Hoshi looking contemplative. 
Pol Nailish: no change
Toes: no change
What makes today special: Jake Papile is 28 years old today. He’s in Hawaii though, so he doesn’t count. 
I had a fine start to the day….woke up late, and then started driving to work with a funny sounding car. I pulled over and noticed my right rear tire was flat. *rolleyes* So I had to drive it to Chevron and fill up the air really quick. Amazingly, I still made it to work before 9. 10 minutes before 9, but that’s better than I expected.
I’m unbelievably tired. My eyes are still swollen from yesterday. They’re itchy and I keep rubbing them…must be something in the air bothering me. Could be sagebrush…this is the time of year it blooms, and my dad’s horribly allergic to it. So maybe I’m sort of allergic to it too. I can barely keep my eyes open. Nor can I think straight at all.
I know I need to go in there and talk to Sean…but I want to wait until I’m at least somewhat alert. I keep gulping coffee…something’s gotta give!!
Mood: peaceful and exhausted
Music: Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concierto
Colors: dark green and navy plaid
Makeup: washed off
Jewelry: the usuals
Craving: sleep :)…nice resting.
Dinner: mushroom enchilada, corn tamale, hominy, and a currant negro mojito at Red Feather. And two glasses of wine before that.
Snack: Orange juice
Shoes: black flip flops
Hair: down, flowy
Weather: 58º
Pet Peeve: sinus headache
Happy Thing: Me. I took care of myself this evening and I feel loved.
What I learned today: That I’m going to be OK. I’m going to heal. (*inner doubt*)
I don’t think I’ll write about this evening in my journal. I will say that I did a lot of purging…I must have cried most of the evening…some of it absolute hysterical sobbing.
It felt really good to get it all out…except afterwards my eyes were so swollen it felt like they were going to seal shut! And now my head hurts. My sinuses got really backed up.
Now, besides the fact that I’m completely spent and could fall asleep in this chair, I feel good. I feel really loved by myself, which gives me the ability to feel love from other people. Then I don’t feel needy. Because I already have everything I need.
God I love that feeling.
I suddenly remembered this evening that my counselor, when I stopped seeing her last year, told me that she wasn’t qualified to help me anymore but she had a friend who she felt like was and referred her to me. I lost the referral, but I could always get it from Vicki again. And I signed a paper that they could exhange information about me…which means I really wouldn’t have to start over with someone new…and I still wouldn’t have to go back to Vicki! I’m pleased with that.
I am feeling like I’d like to have a plan of action. You need therapy for that. I am thinking about taking action a couple of weeks after the honeymoon. I really like the number 11, so I’m thinking November 11, or 11-11. (If you will ;)) I don’t know what day of the week that is, but maybe by then I will have gotten the referral from Vicki and I can call her on that date. I don’t really want to go straight into EMDR, but maybe she can help me. So much has happened…I’ve learned so much about myself since last year.
I also put the date in here so that I can have some accountability for it. If 11-11 comes around and I don’t want to do anything, will it be because I’m doing well and don’t need it, or I’m hiding from my problems again? We shall see. I feel kind of ready to tackle things. Maybe things won’t be settled down enough by then. I need to do this when I’m all settled in after thw wedding.
Mood Magnet: Depressed
Music: That stupid you’re a God and I am not and I just thought I’d let you know song is on the radio. :p
Craving: I dunno. Self confidence?
Snack: cake, and chocolate
Weather: 87º
Pet Peeve: heartburn, dry contacts, hunger pangs, having to drive out to the boonies to pick up my wedding dress
Happy Thing: the workday is almost over and Sean has already gone home.
Let me sing a song. I’ll make it up as I go along.
Shit, shit, I feel like shit
Shit, shit, I feel like shit
Shit, shit, I feel like shiiiiiiit…..
Shitshitshitshitshit.
*takes a bow* :p