STAR CHART

I can’t believe it’s really happening…the act of packing got me all excited!!

Well it’s been one helluva ride. At the last minute we couldn’t have our wedding at the Kingdom Hall so Dan scrambled to get a nice outdoor location…ended up costing us $300 more, but that’s OK. We got a nice place for an outdoor wedding. Joe is going to give the ceremony instead of Gary. We were going to invite our best friends to the wedding and then the reception wasn’t going to change at all…same time, same place. We were going to leave a note at the hall apologizing for the inconvenience, that the wedding has been relocated, but please join us at the reception.

So, like, one of the elders decided to take it upon himself to call everybody who was invited and tell them they weren’t invited to the wedding but they could still come to the reception. Word of mouth got out of control, and pretty soon, people were calling and telling other people that the wedding was off completely. *rolleyes* We had to do some last minute emergency calling last night, but I think…hope…it all got straightened out. Geez.

Everything seems to be going OK. We’re going to have an outdoor wedding, which is what I really wanted in the first place; I just didn’t think it would be safe for October. But the wedding forecast for today calls for sunny skies and a high of 80º. Couldn’t be perfecter.

It was so great to see Jason again…and meet Anneleise. (sp?) And Jazzy! And Cee! Shawn and Jared are hilarious together. LOL And Moonie is so much more of a sweetheart in real life. I wish I never had to talk to him online….LOL (just kidding).

I had a massage last night…OMG…it was amazing. An hour and a half of sheer bliss. I was actually drooling on the floor when I was lying on my stomach. LOL Now today I’m trying to drink lots of water so I don’t get a headache from all the toxins.

I’m starving. I haven’t eaten yet. I’m going to try to get Mom to take us through Booger King…oh crap…they’re not going to serve breakfast after ten, and there’s no Jack in the Box on the way. Crap, crap, crap…I need some protein and some carbohydrates. Dammit.

I guess I could get some string cheese and…bread? At the store, maybe…hmm.

Well, I’m all beautified. I mean, we haven’t done the hair and makeup yet, or gotten dressed, but I was all lotiony from the massage, then I took a shower and used salt oil scrub, then I slathered gel lotion all over myself, and I used hot oil treatment, conditioned my hair, and I got a manicure and pedicure. I also did a face mask last night, and I plucked my eyebrows.

Gosh…they had a party for me! And you know what they bought me? A microwave!!! And a cookbook. But I was stunned! They bought me a really nice microwave! And a really sweet card that everybody signed.

I’m not feeling too well. I looked at pics of Dan when he was a kid…he was so cute. But it makes me sad too for some reason. And I’ve just felt weird today…I think some stuff from my past is trying to come up, and I keep trying to shove it back down. I felt it intensely during book study.

I was staring at Lyndamott’s hair…it was gold in the light. I thought about how some people believe that life is just an illusion, that there is no reality, that everything is just a figment of your imagination. I started imagining what that would be like, and suddenly, that’s what it did feel like, and the feeling wouldn’t go away. It gave me this awful feeling inside…it’s hard to describe. I had to fight to keep still…my body kept trying to twitch and jerk and I had to hold it still.

I had a really tough time leaving Dan’s tonight…I said good bye to him, left the study (he was on the computer), leaned against the wall, and started crying. I let myself go for a while, then collected my things, sat down and cried some more, composed myself, then went in there to say good bye to him again. He held me really tight, which felt really nice. He walked me to the door this time, and I just felt wretchedly sad. The moment I was outside I started crying again and could barely stumble down the front steps…when I heard the door shut behind me I just stood there and cried. I cried until I had driven for a few blocks, then suddenly all my feelings completely evaporated and I felt nothingness…no feelings at all…and it was like I had never been crying. Just emptiness, kind of a detached curiosity, like a Vulcan.

I guess it’s just as well. Am I going to collapse on our honeymoon?

Yay, OK, here we go! A Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

The day’s going good so far. I’m working on a poem for my family to read at the reception. I started it a couple of years ago, but I’m just now finishing it. I wrote a verse about my Grampa Beirnes that is sweet, and now I’m trying to work on a verse for Gramma Aldrich, but I’m kind of stumped. Next will be Grampa Aldrich, which will be even harder. Then, my parents. Mom, then Dad.

The Hardest Button to Button - The White Stripes

It was so wonderful to see Dan’s parents again. Gaaaaaa! Joe and I just about squeezed the life out of each other!! Ha, ha! And it feels so good to have all the family together. I really do wish we could all stick close sometimes. I really need to have a life of my own, but…I really love family feelings.

A New Career in a New Town - David Bowie

Hyper-Ballad - Björk

I seemed to have lots of nervous energy this evening after we dropped the Glicks off. I cleaned the kitchen and cleaned out a bunch of bags that were sitting on the floor there, and swept the floor and washed the icky spots off of it. I did a couple of loads of laundry, and Dan and I put “mints” in pretty little cloth baggies for favors. The baggie colors are white, light pink, silver, and dark red. They’re so pretty!! The heart shaped mints are pink and strawberry flavored, and the star shaped mints are white and amaretto flavored. Those are the best!!!

I think I might be getting crabby. I almost started crying during lunch.

I’m filling out a psychological survey for Michelle. Looking forward to it.

Going the Distance - Cake

I don’t know what I want. I am confused. I feel kind of crappy and kind of good. It’s just weird. I feel irritable…I don’t want to do much. It’s a good thing I don’t have to right now…but I’ll have lots to do later and that will be irritating.

Well, we had a long day, but it was good. We planned the procession and picked some songs to walk to.