STAR CHART

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line…

I was feeling bad, I’ve been feeling really emotionally uncomfortable the past few days. I just wrote some feelings out and I think I finally got it. This is what I wrote…

I wish I had concrete answers. Solutions.

Major changes, lots of anger. I can’t vent…I don’t know what to vent ABOUT. I guess I could wail on things with the baseball bat for the general frustration of it all…maybe the culprit would reveal itself then.

I feel bad for discouraging Dan like that.

Try not to watch Dan. You’ll soak him up and lose touch with yourself. I feel love and compassion for him but he’s good enough at feeling his own feelings.

HM, maybe that’s it.

Maybe I’m actually LEARNING how to have my own feelings, values, beliefs, opinions. FEELINGS, VALUES. Maybe this is the beginning of true emotional autonomy, to live inside myself, be real, hold onto my feelings, and see others’? And feel compassion for them without BEING them, trying to be them.

Maybe. I do feel like that though. It feels different and good. It feels lonely too.

I don’t know what it means for me. I think, real decisions. I think I feel more alert and aware… that’s kind of scary because thresholds like this don’t allow any steps backward. IOW…comfort zones. Gone, forever. It means there’s nowhere to rest for a while. It means you get exhausted because you’re always on your toes…until you’re used to your new skin. And you don’t really know how long you’ll take.

It means aspects of your personality are gone, poof, forever. It means missing old habits that no longer fit. It means wondering who you are. It means being uncomfortable and a little nervous around yourself for a while.

And no one really knows and you can’t say how long a “while” is.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today an ecologically-minded organic foods co-op will move into your home, while you’re away. You’ll be smelling whole-wheat fig bars for months, even if you succeed in extricating them. (Which is unlikely, in today’s political climate. They need somewhere to hide. Have a heart.)

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This is going to be a fairly peculiar day, for you. You’ll end up taking a bus downtown. Two neatly dressed but somewhat short and embittered women will push a cart up and down the aisle in the bus, dispensing packets of honey-roasted peanuts, and miniscule quantities of Diet Coke in plastic glasses.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This will be a day filled with tragically many sneezes. At least it’ll be a good opportunity to learn how to sneeze “cute.”

Favorites:
Colors: pink, the color of cotton candy
Animals: cats and bats
Cartoon Characters: The Powerpuff Girls, Snoopy, Cartman, Stewie, the Family Guy dog
Actresses: Meryl Streep, Naomi Watts, Angelina Jolie, Uma Thurman, that one girl whose name I can never remember…
Actors: Richard Harris, Ralph Fiennes, Sean Penn, Morgan Freeman, Tim Robbins, Russel Crowe, Ian McKellan…
Movies: Camelot, Contact, Labyrinth, LOTR, The Secret of Roan Innish, Apollo 13, The Neverending Story, The Dark Crystal
Types of music: Rock, Indie, new age, classical, opera, Celtic, trance, emo, heavy metal, ambient
Singers: David Bowie, Bjork, Beck, Moby, Rob Zombie
Bands/Groups: Pink Floyd, Radiohead, System of a Down
Love songs: Worlds Apart by Bruce Springsteen is hard to beat for me. Ooh, and Signs of Love by Moby
Breakup songs: You Better Be Good to Me by Tina Turner is the best
Happy songs: The Laughing Gnome by David Bowie! LOL! Umm…depends on what kind of happy. Just about any Weezer song, probably.
All time favorite songs: Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie, A New Career in a New Town by David, Bachelorette by Bjork, Signs of Love by Moby
Books: Tailchaser’s Song and any other book by Tad Williams. Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card, Solo’s Journey by Joy Smith Aiken, the Dune series
Authors: Tad Williams, Orson Scott Card, Ray Bradbury
Video games: Super Mario Brothers 2 and 3, Tetris. That’s the extent of my experience.
Foods: King crab legs with butter, any cheese, dark chocolate, anything creamy :P, cookies, any doughy sugary thing, apple pie
Ice creams: Vanilla bean, the kind with raspberry filled chocolate chunks, the kind with bits of dried honey, cookie dough
Cookies: Sugar cookie with fluffy pink frosting & sprinkles, chocolate chunk, oatmeal chocolate chip, white chocolate macadamia nut
Veggies: Avocado, asparagus
Fruits: raspberries, peaches, blackberries
Candies: pop rocks, fun dip, pixie stix
Beverages: Coffee drinks, root beer, anything w/ alcohol, hot chocolate, chocolate milk, any flavored milk, half and half
Cereals: kix, berry berry kix, capt’n crunch, granola, malt-o-meal, cream of wheat, oatmeal
Gum: Orbit cinnamon, anything cinnamon
Pizza toppings: Lots of cheese, mushrooms, anything as long as no onions. And I love creamy garlic sauce instead of tomato
Fast food joints: Wendy’s, Jack in the Box
Fast food meals: Monterey Jack chicken sandwich, biggie fries. Jalapeno poppers.
Pig out foods: cookies, cheese, rice crispy treats, beans
Stores: The Coop, Dragonfly, Barbara Barbara, Hot Topic, Express
Sports: Uhh, baseball?
Athletes: Me! ROFL
Numbers: 11
Letters: M, L, D, J, H, K
Breakfast: Dan’s eggy cheesy sandwiches.
Dinners: Fine restaurants
Comedians: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Jim Carrey
Shampoos: Garnier Fructis? I don’t really care.
Magazines: Any artsy fartsy magazine. Vogue, Elle, Bazaar, Allure, Lucky

Love Life
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: A husband
If so, who are they?: Dan Glick
How long have you been dating?: Dating, a year and 8 months. We’ve been married 9 of those months.
Do you have a crush?: Yep
Would you rather be single or taken right now?: I love being taken…I’m still available to ladies anyway.
How many people have you dated this past year?: Just the one
How many people have you kissed in your life?: 2
How many people have you said “I love you too” and meant it?: 3
If you didn’t mean it, why did you say it?:
Have you ever had a hard time getting over someone?: Yes
Are you friends with your ex/exes?: No
What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?: Moved thousands of miles to be near me.

What do you look for in your ideal mate? intelligence, understanding, acceptance
Biggest Turn-ons: Beautiful breasts…soft skin…and a good style
Turn-offs: Other men, especially if they’re really hairy

Morals/Beliefs
What religion are you?: None
Do you got to church regularly?: No
What do you think happens when you die: I don’t think it’s important to have answers to that now
Do you believe in God?: Same answer as above
Satan?: I don’t believe in pure good or evil, so no
Angels?: I’m open minded about that
Heaven?: Same answer
Hell?: If there was hell there would have to be pure evil, and I don’t believe in that
What do you think of abortion?: I think it’s sad…I don’t envy anyone with that decision to make.
Suicide?: I think it’s very sad. My heart aches for people who have reached that state.
Flag burning?: I don’t care, whatever people wanna do…
War?: I hate it.
Pop music?: I hate that too.

What Did You Do…
Last weekend?: Saw some live blues bands, saw Troy
Yesturday?: Went to my Buddhism Class, as little as possible before that
Your last birthday: Went out to dinner, and Dan bought me this awesome purse and earrings
New Years Eve?: Went to Cazba and danced all night!
Valentines Day?: I bought Dan a boddhisatva statue, he bought me some pretty stuff from Crone’s Cupboard
Easter?: Nothing for Easter
4th of July?: We had friends over from out of town and smoked pot
Halloween?: Went and saw the Violent Femmes at the Big Easy…I was a cat and Dan was a priest.
Thanksgiving?: Went to visit friends out of town, ate turkey, and watched Dogma
Christmas Eve?: I threw a big party at my house and gave away tons of presents…made tons of nummy foodies…

What do you think you’ll be doing in…
A week from now: I dunno, maybe at work
A month from now?: Who knows!
A year from now?: God, I hope we’re leaving Boise…
5 years from now?: Goin to college, I hope!
10 years from now?: Havin a baby?
20 years from now?: Bein a coooool mom
50 years from now?: Hopefully livin up the retired life…going on a cruise?

Friends
Nicest: Michelle…and Jess…they’re probably equally sweet
Bitchiest: Aquarius! And I mean that in the lovey-est way! *KISS*
Prettiest: Aries
Best eyes: Aquarius
Best hair: Me!
Biggest tease: Aquarius
Rudest: I’m not naming that one…LOL I don’t know if she reads this or not, but just in case…
Shyest: Jess
Loudest: Jonna
Smartest: Well, that’ll have to be Dan.
Blondest: Aquarius!
Drama Queen: Good god…I think we’re all drama queens! HOW do we get ALONG?! LOL! No, none of us are *truly* drama queens because we’re all self-conscious about being imperfect…
Biggest Flirt: Aquarius
tallest: Aries
Shortest: Aquarius, I think
Most likely to become a model?: Aries
Most likely to be rich?: Me, I hope!
Most talented: Jess
Craziest?: LOL We’re all crazy in so many ways…
Weirdest?: Me!
Biggest Druggie?: Aquarius
Girliest?: me
Most likely to be married first?: Hmmm…Michelle!
Most likely to become a serial killer?: Me, of course.
Most caring?: Dude…we’re all over-the-top caring.
Most dependent?: Same answer as above! LOL
Most trustworthy?: I’d trust all of them, with anything.
Most likely to go out with you?: Aquarius, cause she lives closest.
Best body?: Aries
Funniest?: Aquarius
Most like you?: Jess
Most fun to be with?: Damn! They’re all fun in different ways!

This or That
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla
Mom or Dad?: Mean question! I adore them both in different ways; they’re incomparable.
Blonde or Brunette?: Brunette
Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon?: Cartoon Network
Spicy or Minty gum?: Spicy
Heaven or Hell?: Hell
Nsync or Backstreet Boys?: Ewwww…
The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?: Rolling Stones
Boys or Girls?: Girls
Cookies or Cake?: Cake
Flower or Candy?: Candy
Doctors or Dentist?: Doctors

Ever Been Called…
Dumb?: Yep
Retarted?: LOL Yeah
Ugly?: Yep
Hot?: Yep!
Fat?: Yeah, for some reason?!
Anorexic?: Yep
A waste of space?: No
Useless?: Yeah
Sexy?: Yep!
Smelly?: Sigh…yep
A Slut?: No
Beautiful?: Yep
Smart?: Yep
Quiet?: Yep
Boring?: No
A Bitch? Yay! I mean yes!
Rebel?: No
Conceited?: No

Currently

What are you wearing?: Black slinky pants, black tank top, lavendar silky underwear
Who are you talking to?: Nobody
How is the weather?: Hot and dark
What are you listening to? Autumn Shade 2 by the Vines
What/Who are you thinking about?: That I have to pee
What are you eating/drinking?: Water, and I have a box of cookies for whenever I wish to have one
What are you looking forward to?: Nothing right now
What are you dreading?: Getting up early to work tomorrow
How are you feeling?: angry
How is your hair?: damp, up in a barette
What time is it?: 9:41 p.m.
What are you annoyed by?: states of flux

Emotions
What emotion do you feel the most?: contentedness
What emotion is the best?: love
Worst?: hate
What songs make you cry?: Under Pressure, Thank You by Alanis M, No Surprises, Never Get Old
What movies make you cry?: Camelot, Dead Poets Society, Labyrinth, The Electric Grandmother
What always cheers you up?: David Bowie, going out to eat, a shopping spree, meditating
What make you madder than anything?: being patronized
What hurts you the most?: being misunderstood
Depressed?: Sometimes
Are you a really emotional person?: Yep
What do you do when you’re depressed?: It depends. I try to accept my feelings, learn from them, and ride them out
What song do you think was written about your life?: A New Career in a New Town

When Was The Last Time You..
Burped?: Wow, just now
Kissed?: A few hours ago
Went to the movies?: Saturday
Went out to eat?: Last night
Cried?: Yesterday afternoon
Got dumped?: The end of 1994
Dumped someone?: 2 years
Threw up?: Years
Peed?: a long time ago!
Went skating?: wow…like, decades.
Went for a walk?: Last night
Ate ice cream?: a few months
Got into a fight?: 2 years

ThreeThings

3 things you enjoy doing
1. Making love
2. going out to dinner
3. spending time with my friends

3 things you want to try
1. Belly dancing
2. Yoga
3. spell casting

3 people you love
1. Dan
2. Aquarius
3. Michelle

3 foods you are addicted to
1. cheese
2. carbonated drinks (does that count as food?)
3. chocolate

3 things you hate
1. onions
2. close mindedness
3. war

3 shows you watched when you were little
1. Thundercats
2. She-Ra
3. Jem and the Holograms

3 things you regret
1. Not going to college
2. (this is hard…I believe we learn from mistakes…I don’t really believe in regret, ideally)
3. Not seeing David Bowie in concert!!!

3 songs that you love
1. Aurora by Bjork
2. The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get by Morrissey
3. Float on by Modest Mouse

3 things you always say
1. Wha?
2. REALLY??
3. Like…

3 things you like about yourself
1. strength
2. realness
3. love

3 things you dislike about yourself
1. Inhibition
2. Emotional spongyness
3. Clinginess

3 things that describe your personality
1. Creative
2. Accepting
3. Quiet

3 things that describe your looks
1. Green cat eyes
2. Long brown hair
3. a cute butt

3 things that scare you
1. Spiders
2. Fundies
3. George Bush

3 wishes
1. that I could spend time w/ my extended family without awkwardness
2. that I could move to Seattle
3. that I could hang out with Jess and Lauren

3 jobs you wouldn’t mind having for a living
1. Artist
2. Writer
3. …I’d pretty much mind anything else. LOL

Which One Are You?:
Super hero: Catwoman
Powerpuff girl: Bubbles
Rugrat:
Carebear:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle:
Crayon color: Carnation Pink and Silver

What song reminds you of…
Your childhood?: The song from the Electric Grandmother
Your significant other?: You’re Still Here…that song by Alanis Morrisette
Your ex?: Hmm. That one song by Third Eye Blind
Your mom?: Yellow by Coldplay, Chiquitita (heavy metal version)
Your dad: No Surprises by Radiohead
Your best friend?: Aquarius=Roslyn by David Bowie. Michelle=I don’t know. I’m trying to think of music and I just see light green. LOL. Jess=the Magnetic Fields

Issues
Do you do drugs?: If you count caffeine, every day. If you count nicotine, every couple of weeks or so. Other stuff, once.
Do you have a mental disablity?: No
Are you on any medication for any type of disorder?: No
What kind?:
Do you or have you ever had an eating disorder?: No
What kinds of illnesses run in your family?: Depression

Who was the last person you…
Talked to?: Dan
Yelled at?: Probably a stupid driver, from the safety of my car with rolled up windows…
Hugged?: Dan
Went out to eat with?: Dan
Talked to on the phone?: Dan
IMed?: Tamar
E-Mail?: Jess, I think
Got flowers from?: Dan
Danced with?: Dan
Fought with?: ex-boyfriend
Worried about?: I don’t remember…
Wanted to kill?: Mark Scroggin…I had a dream I attacked him a few months ago. I don’t really feel like killing anyone anymore. The dream actually had a good ending even.
Cried over?: Dan
Thought about? Well, Dan, duh

More quiet moods, more silence.

It’s really interesting…I haven’t felt like working in my Artist’s Way book for a few days, and today I kind of had to force myself to get it out and work on it. Funny…it described exactly what I feel like I’m going through. States of flux. Periods of change.

I can be patient with myself, but it’s still frustrating. The book keeps asking me to do these things to pamper myself, and I kind of run out of ideas. I go to coffee shops all the time. It’s too hot to walk in the park. I don’t know where to go swimming… I’m tired of Swan Falls Dam right now. It’s too hot to be outside anyway. I go to Barnes & Noble all the time. I don’t feel like going to the library. I’d need to dress up (more) if I want to go to the art museum…which I still want to go visit soon. I just need to ask them what their entrance fee is, or look them up online. I could go see a movie. I should see one Dan isn’t too particularly excited about seeing, but one’s not forthcoming on my mind right now.

I could send a letter to Aries, but that’s not really an “Artist Date” activity. I really want to go see Aquarius soon and make soaps with her. I miss her, I haven’t seen her for a couple of weeks.

My birthday is in two, speaking of weeks!! I finally decided what to do. I’m getting a tattoo in the afternoon, and then Dan’s taking me to dinner at Cottonwood Grille that night. That weekend (my birthday is Wednesday) we’re going drinking with all my friends, or having them over for drinking, something like that. We haven’t really decided. It’s just that I have to decide whether I want to invite my underage drinking friends or not. Of course I want to, but do I really want to throw a party at the house. That’s a lot more work than everybody going out. And who wants to work on their birthday?? LOL.

My last Buddhism class was tonight. I really enjoyed it. They have a class starting in a few weeks on Shamanism. I really am interested in that one…and the Chakra one. I found out that Jeannie’s Wiccan and Goddess classes are sort of progressive throughout the year so I’d have to wait til next year and take them from the beginning. There is also a class on Tarot I’m interested, though not nearly as much as the others. I will take that one eventually though.

The Shamanism one sounds so interesting though, and it’s almost three months long. It involves drumming and sweatlodges, both of which fascinate me. It’s all about becoming one with nature, which sounds wonderful to me.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of gods and goddesses, and how to balance the fact that pagan religions are all about worshipping them, where I myself am agnostic and don’t believe it’s possible to really know about the existance of god(s) in this lifetime (or if there even is more than one lifetime). The Buddhist and Shamanistic teachings are that all beings are one, all humans, animals, plants, the earth, every inanimate object, everything is one big pool of existance. So whether gods and goddesses or other such spirits exists is of no importance…they’re archetypes, and we all have all archetypes within us. We can “call upon” different archetypes to “help” us develop certain traits we haven’t developed fully, but I don’t believe any of us truly lack any trait. Just because I love to relax and daydream and laze around doesn’t mean I don’t have an athlete inside…I just need help awakening it.