STAR CHART

Doh. I just realized I forgot one thing. A cd player! Oh…well, I guess it would make sense that my computer would have kick-ass speakers and I could play mp3s to my heart’s content. : )

I drove around for about three hours listening to it! I really enjoyed it…although I think it’s a little more consistent than the other ones I’ve listened to. In the past there have always been songs that I hated and songs that tore me apart, they were so beautiful. With this one, I just pretty much really like all of the songs, but there aren’t really any that particularly stood out to me. Every once in a while I would get overwhelmed by soaring beauty but it would presently drift away.

As I was on the last leg of my driving-around, I decided to listen to his song Spiders again, which I had noticed being quite beautiful but not really making any sense. While I was listening to it I was absently thinking about how often the word spiders has been used in rock music and I thought of David Bowie, of course, and then suddenly, it hit me like an airbag that the song was about David Bowie!!! Then my eyes filled up with tears and I could barely breathe all the way home, I was so excited!!

Here’s an excerpt from an article about the album (specifically the exerpt is about the song):

the muscular techno-rock anthem ‘Spiders’, is a full-on homage to David Bowie, who Moby counts as a friend, neighbour and all-time musical hero.

“I can’t think of any other musician in the 20th century who has impacted on popular culture and music more than David Bowie,” he says. “It’s safe to say none of the records we like would sound the way they do without David Bowie.”

Being a Tuesday night, many of the dancers weren’t that great. But there were a few…! I’m still all a-tingle after this one goddess held my head in her hands, took a dollar bill out of my mouth with her teeth, and rubbed her head on my chest. *heart attack!* I think I was bright red afterwards, and shaking. I wanted to go with her for a lap dance, but I didn’t think I had enough money. I wished I would have though. I was rather smitten. She was really tall, with long dark hair, and slender with long white swaths of material in the front and back for a skirt. She walked like she was floating through the air. She seriously did carry herself like a goddess. *dreamy sigh* When she came to our table and asked if anyone wanted to come with her for a lap dance I was just aching to say something but was feeling super shy.

Back to general life…I’ve been trying to figure out why I have such a hard time hanging out with friends. I guess it’s easy after work because people are doing something and I’m welcome to come if I want, but nothing’s dependent or incumbent on me. With my other friends, I feel obligated! Isn’t that sad? And I usually have to do the organizing, at least with most of them. But lately I’ve actually been dreading hanging out with people I love! I really do not understand why.

I’ve been learning other things about myself. I’ve felt really private since Christmas, and have been enjoying keeping to myself. But it’s hard when I feel guilty for not spending time with my friends. I know I need them and I know they want to be around me, and I just feel like a deserter, but I just can’t bring myself to … want to, look forward to. If I force myself I always enjoy. I hate forcing myself though. It makes me cry. Sometimes I wish I were a hermit.

Hopefully, I’m going to be a hermit for a week. I’m taking a week off work. We can’t afford a vacation right now, and I really need one, and we can afford for me to take a week off work, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to try to do very much during that week. The only thing(s) I’m planning on doing are: 1. Staying at home. 2. Cooking. 3. Laundry. Everything else is depending on how I feel at the time. But hopefully I’ll get lots and lots of Meia Time all by myself. I’ve been going nuts at work lately. I’m about to “go retail”, as Dan puts it…the new “go postal”. LOL So I asked for March 27-April 2 off. I don’t know if … for some reason I’m worried that they won’t “deem” me worthy of that much time off. Which is a silly worry. I just got my one year evaluation and basically it boiled down to my books manager thinks I’d make a great manager. But…manager=responsibility. Terrifying. Responsibility makes me feel trapped and then I start to freak out. I want an easy-going job. I don’t want to worry about it.

Well…I gotta go to bed. Gotta be at work at 9 a.m.