STAR CHART

We don’t have a pump, so I drove out to Wal-Mart this evening and bought a pump and a basket (YAY!) and tried to pump up my tires. It didn’t seem like anything was happening…I drove it around some more and it still seems really low! It looks practically flat when I sit on it, and it feels like the insides of the tires are rubbing on the wheel when I ride it. I don’t have a gauge so I can’t tell if it’s at what it’s supposed to be.

SO, I have to wait to ride it! Again! I used the last of my money to buy the pump and the basket, and now I have to wait til payday (Thursday) to buy a gauge. Dan suggested I walk it down to the gas station (a few blocks) and use their gauge…but I hate using tooley things in public. It seems to turn me into a guy magnet. A macho guy magnet. *hurl* Every time I use air at a gas station a guy comes up to me and starts talking to me and then he takes over. I don’t even want to be noticed, let alone talked to…let alone letting strange men do favors for me. It’s not like I’m so incompetent when I put air in tires that I look like someone who needs help. I can actually do it very quickly. But still, every time, some guy swoops down on me and I guess what it comes down to is that men who are strangers make me NERVOUS.

So I guess this bicycle rant turned into a strange man rant.

Anyway, to sum up.

It’s honestly not that big of a deal…I’m just frustrated because I feel overworked. The thing about customer service is, it’s a very emotionally and mentally (and physically) taxing job. For a job that tiring, there should be rewards for working as hard (and caring as much) as we do. Most people there work very hard…not everyone cares that much, but customer service, people, and books, are very important to me. So I care a lot. To the customers, you’re just doing your job, so it’s not like they are expected to give me a hug every time I find them a book or have to tell them we don’t have a book…anyway. It should be the managers (especially the top managers) who reward us and tell us when we’re doing a good job.

But Hastings isn’t really high in that priority. I’ve been working more hours than I want to and have slowly been getting more and more bled dry every week. My productivity is falling…more every week, and it’s harder and harder to keep a positive mindset and focus. And then I drag myself in today for a nine hour shift to be met with a note saying I’m not doing a good enough job. I need to work harder, stop chatting with coworkers, stop doodling, keep on task all day long.

I know that they’re right… I know I’ve not been as productive as I’m supposed to be lately. I know I’ve done better. But goddammit! It’s like there’s no relief! I hate working there. I feel like I’m pushing myself and pushing myself and that it’s never good enough. Stupid assholes.

Mom (showing books to her little girl): That one’s called The Ten Best Things about My Dad.
3 year old girl: I don’t want to read that one.

I’m always thinking about how wonderful it would be to cook and bake sweet things all the time. Pies, cakes, cookies, tarts, baked or cooked fruits, chocolate, sweet breads, you name it, I want to make it. (Well except for things like carrot cake -not sweet!- and things with cream cheese frosting -too sour. Yuck.) I’m always drooling over the desserts pages in cookbooks and wishing I had time to make them all the time.

A couple of nights ago I had a revelation that I should actually set aside some of my time off and actually plan to make sweets. I was with Dan in the kitchen at the time, and when I told him my idea, apparently I had such a serious and intense expression on my face that he burst out laughing.

Apparently, I really take sweets seriously…which was proved by the fact that I had a dream about running to the store for cheesecake ingredients that night. LOL “Where is crème frâiche?? I can’t find the crème frâiche! I don’t even know if I’m saying it right!”

At least I get Tuesday day off…closing the books dept. that night. I have to go back Wednesday at 7 a.m., so that’s going to be tough, but at least I’m only working til noon, and then I have the afternoon off. I won’t have to go grocery shopping then like I thought I was going to. Thursday I have to be a GSA (front counter), which I loathe, but that’s only the middle of the day. My body just hurts much worse after five hours of being a GSA than it does after nine hours in the Books dept. And I will get Friday off. Yay. So I can go grocery shopping then instead.

How do people have no time to themselves? I go nuts. I get insane! When I have lots of time to myself, I feel really content, peaceful, and happy…if I don’t get it regularly I get so emotional and crabby. I’m short on sleep though, too.

Sorry for the long entry about work, my sweet reader friends. : ) Every once in a while you just need to vent, though, you know.

It was really nice to meet some of our friends at the beginning of the week though…they’re people we’ve known online for years, and now we finally get to put a face with their names. I love it when that happens. We’ve also been really enjoying starting up or D&D game! We created a world, and now we’re in the process of creating our characters. So far I’m an elf with blue hair named Amira Treeshadow. I have a snake. Its name is elvish, but it means Treehugger. LOL Oh and I’m a druid.

I really love my RPG friends. They are just really amazing people. I can’t say I’ve never had friends like them…because I miss Alyssa and I always will…but besides her, they are some of the best friends I’ve ever had. Which is odd, because we’re not really *close* close, I mean, we don’t talk about feelings and such, but I feel so at ease with them, and I respect them, and I just really feel deeply cared about. And I think I like that I don’t have to talk about my feelings with them in order to feel at ease. I don’t have to do anything to feel at ease. They are the most accepting people, I swear.

Anyways. Time to close this. Time for bed soon.